A pro-communism coffee shop in Canada is closing after it turns out the store’s business plan wasn’t economically viable. In other news, water is wet and it turns out dog crap stinks.
Now, for the average person with common sense, finding out that an anti-capitalism business shut down after running out of money would be a story in and of itself, likely titled, “Duh.” But this one gets better – and more hilarious.
“The Anarchist,” an uncleverly named pop-up coffee spot in Toronto that opened in March of last year, had run on a “pay-what-you-can” business plan in which customers simply tossed (or, as it turns out, didn’t) whatever they wanted into the pot to pay for the store’s drip coffee. Those who couldn't or didn't want to pay weren't required to.
In the meantime, the café charged a set price for things like espresso, baked goods, and their merchandise – because, as we all know, everything is free in communism…if it’s bottom-of-the-barrel stuff. No one gets premium anything.
The store also let people use the bathrooms and hang out without making a purchase. Because, as we all know, letting non-paying people take up space from paying customers is hands-down a brilliant way to do business.
But it turns out that while giving stuff away for free and letting the entire hippie commune convene on your barstools is a great way to appease your Marxist buddies, it’s not a very good strategy for staying in business. Not that the store’s owner is introspective enough to know that – instead, he’s blaming the fact that his family’s not rich and no one will give him free money for why he’s having to close up shop.
“The Anarchist has been a huge success in every way I hoped, and has given me so much inspiration and education that I plan to put to use in future projects,” owner Gabriel Sims-Fewer wrote in a statement on the shop’s website.
“Unfortunately, the lack of generational wealth/seed capital from ethically bankrupt sources left me unable to weather the quiet winter season, or to grow in the ways needed to be sustainable longer-term,” he then explained.
The “quiet winter season”? It’s a coffee shop, dude.
Perhaps most hilarious here, aside from the obvious, is the fact that Sims-Fewer is blaming the lack of “generational wealth” and no “seed capital” for why he can’t bankroll his own money pit – a bit ironic, given that Communism expressly fights against the very ideas of generational wealth or the ability of businesses to have any funds left over to invest in external projects like financially unviable cafes.
“F–k the rich. F–k the police. F–k the state. F–k the colonial death camp we call ‘Canada’,” Sims-Fewer ended his statement.
Tough words. They’ll sound even more powerful coming from the couch in your empty living room.
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