¡Bon Appétit! Here Are Kamala Harris' Top 10 Word Salads

Sarah Merly | July 20, 2023
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While Kamala Harris cannot handle her role as vice president very well, she can certainly serve us legendary word salads, even rivaling the Cobbs and the Caesars. Her house dressings of repetition and laughter bring an unparalleled flavor to American politics. Read on to witness her Top 10 finest culinary offerings.

¡Bon appétit!

10. Harris on Abortion

“Listen–women are getting pregnant every day in America, and this is a real issue, and we need to act with a sense of haste about what is at play, what is at stake, and codifying Roe will be an important moment in terms of putting back in place protections for-for the folks who are at risk right now because of what the court did in Dobbs just weeks ago.”

We kick off the list with a display of Kamala’s signature repetition. The reason it’s at #10? Because we know what she’s talking about, and the position she tries to explain is actually reflective of her political party at large.

9. Harris on Women’s History

“And most recently, they even want to eliminate classes that teach ‘gender ideology.’ So what are we talking about here? Classes that teach women’s history? Women’s equality? The study of the fact that there are still only 25 women in the United States Senate in a body of 100?”

When I was learning to write a persuasive essay in elementary school, my teacher taught me how essential it is to research and understand the arguments of the other side. Unfortunately, Harris doesn’t seem to have heard that advice.

8. Harris on Small Business Owners

“And you know, when I speak with small business owners and entrepreneurs, is some of our younger small business owners actually self-identify as entrepreneurs. They’re small business owners also. Ha ha ha! But we’ll go with whatever you like! Small business owner or entrepreneurs.”

This quote isn’t as morally problematic as some of the others–but what are we supposed to learn about small business owners and entrepreneurs from this? What does it matter how they identify themselves?

7. Harris on Democracy

“So we are committed in everything we are doing, and yes, then the president did say in the state of the union. There is a price to pay for democracy. Gotta stand with your friends. And as everybody knows even in your personal life, being loyal to those friendships based on common principles and values–sometimes it’s difficult. Often it ain’t easy. But that’s what the friendship is about based on shared values. So that’s what we’re doing.”

There’s a time for using everyday imagery to help your audience understand your position. Using folksy imagery about friendship to avoid talking about democracy and international politics, however, only begets more confusion.

6. Harris on Inflation

“In terms of, uh, the discussions that the president [inaudible] and I had, uh, they ranged in subject, including the issue of the Black Sea, and I’ll let him explain in more detail as he would like, uh, but we are, again, fully aware and apprised because we are in constant communication with the president, with his administration here about the concerns that they have about the entire region and frankly the vulnerability. All you have to do is look at the map.”

I feel so sorry for the reporter who prompted this response from Harris. He asked a genuine question about inflation and how brutally it affects everyday Americans–but instead, Harris implied that the audience should feel better about a broken economy when they look at the Black Sea and the nearest map.

5. Harris on Culture

“Well I think culture is–it is a reflection of our moment and our time, right? And-and-and present culture is the way we express how we’re feeling about the moment and-and we should always find times to express how we feel about the moment that is a reflection of joy ‘cause, you know–it comes in the morning. Ha ha ha! We have to find ways to also express the way we feel about the moment in terms of just having language and-and-and a connection to how people are experiencing life, and I think about it in that way, too.”

What’s especially unfortunate about Harris’ “observation” above is that she was trying to describe the culture of black women–her own demographic. Perhaps more than any other salad on this menu, this quote upends the validity of affirmative action in the highest levels of government.

4. Harris on the Passage of Time

“The Governor and I and we were all doing a tour of the library here and, um, talking about the significance of the passage of time. Right. The significance of the passage of time. So when you think about it, there is great significance to the passage of time in terms of what we need to do to lay these wires, what we need to do to create these jobs. And there is such great significance to the passage of time. When we think about a day in the life of our children and what that means to the future of our nation, depending on whether or not they have the resources they need to achieve their God given talent. So today, I’m so happy to be with all of you.”

This quote starts out looking like a philosophical musing, then transitions to an employment discussion, then talented children. I’m not sure which one she’s supposed to be talking about.

3. Harris on Jamaica and COVID

“We also recognize, just as it has been in the United States, for Jamaica, one of the issues that has been presented as an issue that is economic in the way of its impact has been the pandemic….we will assist Jamaica in covid recovery by assisting in terms of the recovery efforts in Jamaica that have been essential.”

When it’s your job to provide hope, people want easily understood, concrete solutions. Kamala Harris had this job, but instead of offering those solutions, she said that the impact of COVID is economic and helping “in terms of the recovery efforts.” I would only be more dismayed if I were a citizen in Jamaica.

2. Harris on Dobbs v. Jackson

“And the act of the United States Supreme Court to take away a constitutional right that they didn’t recognize in the people of America will impact a lot of people and differently in some situations and we need to be responsive to these issues and also lift up the voices of all people who will be impacted in the way that they will be impacted…a couple of points in terms of the direct impact.”

Yes, Kamala talked about Dobbs earlier in this list–but this time, you can’t really tell. Also, what kind of “impact” are we supposed to expect? How do we “respond”?

1. Harris on Existing in Time

“So, I think it’s very important, as you have heard from so many incredible leaders, for us at every moment in time and certainly this one to see the moment in time in which we exist and are present and to be able to contextualize it–to understand where we exist in the history and in the moment as it relates not only to the past, but the future.”

In other words, “we must understand that we exist in time.” I’m not exactly sure how that’s supposed to be inspirational or insightful, but here we are.
 


 

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