It doesn’t take much to be a pop star these days. Most of the time, you can just autotune to some generically written lyrics while prancing about half-naked. If that doesn’t work, just throw in a little Satan worship and you’ll get an invite from the Grammy’s.
But if you’re really in a pinch, just try castrating yourself. You’ll shoot right to the top of the charts.
Case in point: Dylan Mulvaney, who, after raking in billions of views on social media recording his “transition” into a woman (spoiler alert: didn't work, still a guy), racking up a slew of endorsement deals (sorry not sorry, Bud Light) and paling around with radically left-wing celebs at awards shows, has debuted his newest pop single called “Days of Girlhood.”
The video accompanying the…er…”song,” which shares a name with Mulvaney’s saga on social media chronicling his journey as a “transgender woman,” sees Mulvaney frolicking poolside in a two-piece bikini while singing about how all his gal pals taught him how to live like a girl.
“Sister taught me how to girl/best friend taught me how to text the boytoy that I’m dating next,” Mulvaney bee-pops to the early 2000’s beat.
Lmao Dylan is now a popstar 🤣 pic.twitter.com/sXrWG0obmo
— Clown World ™ 🤡 (@ClownWorld_) March 13, 2024
Honestly, putting a drill bit directly into your ear might both sound and feel better than this atrocity.
But what’s perhaps even more offensive than watching this biological male in a wig strut around a pool deck in a two-piece and heels are the “lyrics” to this clearly ingenious piece of audible art: namely, the fact that they include just about every single stereotype about women known to…well, man. Have a gander at this, if you can stomach it:
“Monday, can't get out of bed/
Tuesday morning, pick up meds/
Wednesday, retail therapy/
"Cash or credit?" I say, "Yes"/
Thursday, had a walk of shame/
Didn't even know his namе/
Weekends are for kissin' friends/
Friday night, all ovеr spends/
Saturday, we flirt for drinks/
Playin' wingman to our twinks/
Sunday, the Twilight soundtrack/
Use my breakdown in the bath/
These are the days of girlhood.”
Ah, yes. The life of every actual woman: we just throw around credit cards and hook up with random dudes before popping on a corny rom com and downing our Xanax - and that’s on the days we actually pull ourselves together enough to deal with our lives, pathetic and shallow creatures that we are.
Spoken like a true person who has no idea what real women actually do.
Probably because, you know, he’s not one.