Craig Shirley: I Believe

Craig Shirley | May 31, 2024
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I believe Joe Biden has all his mental faculties. I believe Joe Biden is not experiencing severe mental decline. I believe "Dr." Jill is a skilled doctor who can save lives. I believe Hunter Biden is not the sleaziest dirtbag to ever walk the face of the earth. I believe Hunter Biden has the right to represent corrupt foreign entities and not have to register under FARA or pay taxes.

I believe Kamala Harris was called "Heels Up Harris" to show off new shoes. I believe Kamala Harris is one of the smartest people in America and not just window dressing. I believe the Biden dogs did not bite dozens of Secret Service agents but only gave them friendly nips. I believe the Biden dogs did not shit everyplace in the White House and were sent away for their health.

I believe Joe Biden is not vile for crossing himself in an abortion facility. I believe Joe Biden spent billions of unsecured money to reduce inflation and not to pay off his political cronies.

I believe KJP is the smartest press secretary ever, despite doing a superb impression of being an idiot.

I believe Biden taking showers with little girls is wholesome and decent. I believe Biden was a star football player despite zero evidence he ever stepped on a football field except to carry water. I believe Biden’s uncle was eaten by cannibals despite all evidence pointing to his plane crashing in the Pacific.

I believe a broken border is not letting in illegals who are rapists and thieves and murderers, just peaceful “newcomers” who are thus good for America.  I believe the Biden family is a good patriotic family and not the unlawful and scummy dirtbags they given a good impression of being. I believe Biden’s Nuremberg’s speech denouncing half of America because they voted for Donald Trump was unifying and not divisive. I believe Biden’s low poll numbers in every category are the result of ignorant people.

I believe Biden is not a Jew hater despite being against Israel and not allowing the country to defend itself and his long history of opposing Jews. I believer Joe Biden is not directing his Justice Department to unlawfully harass Donald Trump despite ordering the FBI to use “lethal force” in its unconstitutional raid on Mar-a-Lago.

I believe fifty percent of small businesses with not shut down if Biden is reelected despite their telling pollsters just the opposite.  I believe Joe Biden does not want to destroy America despite giving every impression he wants to do just that.

I believe Joe Biden is a truthful man despite lying from morning til night, I believe Joe Biden is not a serial plagiarist despite having plagiarized from college through law school right up until his days in the US Senate. I believe the Bidens are not adulterers despite Dr. Jill having been married to another man at the time she began her affair with Biden. I believe Bidenomics will help America even though it’s designed to destroy America. I believe Joe Biden was supposed to go to Annapolis despite their not being a shred of evidence he was ever accepted.

I believe Joe Biden is a wholesome, decent, and moral man despite having lived his life as an immoral, unethical and unchristian man. I believe Joe Biden is the best president ever despite the reams of factual information detailing how he is the most deplorable, corrupt and dishonest president ever.

(With apologies to Michael Kelly, RIP.)

  • Joe Biden
  • Dr. Jill Biden
  • Kamala Harris
  • 2024 Election
  • Hunter Biden
  • presidential ethics
  • Biden uncle cannibals
  • deplorables
  • MAGA fascists
  • Biden Justice Department