Hillary Cries on Camera Reading Her Would-Have-Been 2016 Victory Speech

Gabriel Hays | December 9, 2021
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Look, we know we shouldn’t be wasting anymore time on Hillary Clinton. But the latest news regarding the fastest email inbox clearer in America is so pathetic and so stupid that it’s at least worth gawking at. 

Clinton took time off from keeping her husband’s assault victims on a leash in the basement to take an emotional walk down memory lane. She decided to read her would-have-been 2016 presidential victory speech on video WHILE CRYING for the whole internet to see.

Um, yeah. This is pathetic. LET IT GO, LADY! 

According to Today.com, the Former U.S. Secretary of State busted out her 2016 victory speech during an episode of her new “Masterclass” webinar series. If you’ve been online you’ve probably seen these pay to watch video series where top professionals and celebrities break down the science of how they do their craft or how they achieve success in their field. (Famous TV chef Gordon Ramsey has one of these on how to cook.) 

Though what on earth would Hillary have a “Masterclass” in? We have to mention that New York Magazine guessed it hilariously, writing a headline which said, “Hillary Clinton Announces MasterClass in Losing to Donald Trump.” Now that’s funny. 

But seriously, Clinton’s version of “Masterclass” teaches unfortunate viewers how to achieve the “power of resilience.” Um, Ok? That seems a little too philosophical and sappy. What’s next? Are we going to get a series put on by Barney The Dinosaur teaching us the “significance of friendship?”

Anyways, Clinton decided a good lesson for her webinar on “resilience” would be to read the speech she prepared (because she was so sure she’d win) for when she beat Donald Trump in 2016. Apparently the lesson is that, you too can go on living after being robbed of the presidency by a misogynistic orange man who’s had as many marriages as she’s had presidential runs.

In the clip she stated, “In this lesson, I’m going to face one of my most public defeats head-on by sharing with you the speech I had hoped to deliver if I had won the 2016 election.” Oh gosh. That’s just too sad. 

RELATED: House Democrat Leading Impeachment Efforts Against Trump Voted Against Certification In 2017

She continued on, making us live through an imaginary day we are thankful never happened. “Our values endure. Our democracy stands strong. And our motto remains: e pluribus unum. Out of many, one,” she read, adding, "We will not be defined only by our differences. We will not be an us versus them country.” Yeah pretty boilerplate stuff.  

The really pathetic part was when Clinton began reading an excerpt about an imaginary meeting between her and her mother while her mother was a little girl uncertain of America’s feminist future. Geez, what melodrama.

“Listen to me. You will survive. You will have a good family of your own. And three children. And as hard as it might be to imagine, your daughter will grow up and become the president of the United States,” she claimed.

As she read this part of the speech, Clinton got emotional and appeared to start crying. It was hard for us to watch, mostly out of second hand embarrassment because no one would fall for this.

Everyone knows reptilians do not have tear ducts.