Folks, this is just a quick reminder that the entire month of June is Straight Pride Month!
This is the second year I’m celebrating, as the corporate powers that be, along with the Alphabet Mafia, simply call June “Pride Month” without being specific in most cases. So, as a proud heterosexual man, I’m here to say, ‘Make Straight Great Again!’ or ‘#MakeStr8Gr8Again.’
Of course, to promote such a joyous month, the original hashtag is #StraightPrideMonth.
All month long, my weekly editions of Things That Need To Be Said will focus on what makes being straight great, including 70s, 80s and 90s action movies with toxic males saving the day against clear bad guys while great looking women make themselves heard with authority.
Other possible themes may include, but are not limited to:
- Liquor that doesn’t insult straight people
- Coming up with derogatory names for the “ladies” of “The View”
- Top reasons to postpone taking out the trash that don’t include waiting for the end of the current episode of “Sportscenter”
- Why Johnny Cash, Stevie Ray Vaughn and Bob Seger’s music is better than any current pop-star going through a breakup’s music
- Swimsuits that don’t make you “tuck your junk”
Related: Comedian Alex Stein Mocks Target's 'Tuck Friendly' Pride Swimwear: 'Extra Crotch Coverage!'
All these and more could be on the docket for this year’s straight pride festivities. You’ll just have to stay tuned to find out.
Happy Straight Pride, everybody!
Oh, and because being straight is awesome, here's a totally non-related, yet badass video of an American Eagle catching a salmon:
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Turns out Satan is not too popular, even among lefties. pic.twitter.com/BVbeeBzUqb