‘Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That’: Dog Gets Monkeypox From Gay Owners

Matt Philbin | August 16, 2022
Text Audio
00:00 00:00
Font Size

The World Health Organization (“House Specialty: Dim Sum!”) reportedly wants to change the name of the monkeypox virus because somebody, somewhere decided it’s racist-sounding. 

I wish the WHO success in their important work. In fact, in the spirit of healthy international health collaboration, I’d like to offer some alternative monikers for the virus: 

“Italian Greyhound Virus” This has a certain Mediterranean chic. Picture a sleek greyhound zipping by on a Vespa – “Ciao.” 

“Parisian Pox” Sophisticated, cosmopolitan – can anything named after the “City of Light” be that bad?

“Non-monogamous Canine Co-Sleeping Gay Couple Pox” Admittedly, not as snappy as the others, but it’s chock-full of useful information. At least about one case.

As reported by The Lancet, via the New York Post, a Parisian dog (the Italian greyhound) has contracted the virus soon to formerly be monkeypox from his owners, a couple of gay guys who sleep around and then sleep (in the literal sense) with the dog.

Related: Outsports: Christian Athletes 'Hiding Behind Bible' in Rejecting Rainbow Pride

According to the Post, “The Lancet medical journal said the dog shared a bed with the two men and perhaps licked one or both of them before licking itself.” (Their words, not mine!) About 12 days after Jaques and Pierre started suffering from “extensive ulcers and rashes,” le Fido started showing symptoms. 

This all happened back in June (Pride Month – where the infections come from.) Let’s hope everyone is on the mend and won’t be too uncomfortable in the dog days of August.