TeenVogue Cauldron’s a-Brewin': Cast This Spell For Abortion Rights!

Tierin-Rose Mandelburg | July 14, 2022
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TeenVogue gets more insane by the day. 

On June 13, TeenVogue released a piece about casting a witch's spell to fight for "reproductive justice." And no, this is not satire. 

The teen-geared site gave a rundown on the history of witches fighting back “against the patriarchy.” (I assume the “patriarchy” is the gender-and-racially-diverse Supreme Court who just confirmed what we already knew — that there is no constitutional right to abortion.)

Luckily, as pointed out by TeenVogue, witches can cast their spells to save the day.

“In the late 1960s, the movement group Women's International Terrorist Conspiracy from Hell (also known as W.I.T.C.H.) organized protests to push back against the patriarchy and to fight for women’s rights. They had several spin-off covens throughout the country, composed of radical feminists who wanted to expose capitalism as the true enemy of women's freedom," the outlet explains.

Related: Meghan McCain Slams Elon Musk and Nick Cannon For Their ‘Impregnate The Planet Mentality’

Ah yes, capitalism is the enemy. I must have missed that. 

Over on TikTok, the witches of #WitchTok are supposedly "taking aim at the members of the Supreme Court” who declared that there is no national "right" to infanticide. One witch named Melissa Jayne Mandara thinks it's important to use magic to promote bodily autonomy and “suggests offering protection to protestors, doctors who perform abortions, and organizations in need of money to support reproductive rights.” 

I still keep thinking this article is fake.

The same “magical practitioner” wrote out a spell with ingredients and instructions to help fight for abortions. Supposedly you need frankincense, charcoal, sage, and a fruit pit. Mandara insists that on a “tidy altar after sunset” on a “night of the new moon,” heat the charcoal and place the other elements on top. As the smoke rises Mandara instructs reciters to say the “Prayer to Selene for Any Spell.”

She also insists that you practice the spell so that you don’t mess up the piece when reciting it to Selene, who supposedly is “invoked as a protector of children, the goddess of midwives, and a terrible foe to evildoers.”

I guess in this case the evildoers are the ones who want to save babies, not the ones who want to kill them. 

TeenVogue was also sure to include the part where Mandara instructed readers to bring the “offerings” to a “nearby crossroads” and even said “do not look back once you leave, and maintain your silence until you return home.”

I’ve seen protests, I’ve seen petitions, and I’ve seen a wide variety social media posts aiming to “fight for abortion rights." But never did I think I would read about how to cast a witches spell for “reproductive justice.”

What a day to be alive. 

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