Translation, Please? Biden Bungles DNC Address

Brittany M. Hughes | October 18, 2022
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My great-grandmother died peacefully at the ripe old age of 103. And while her passing was easy, she, like most folks who're lucky enough to see a century on this Earth, started to...let's just say, experience a loosened grip on memory, cognitive function, and overall capacity for reason (at one point, she frantically told us the nurses at her care facility were drowning children in the courtyard fountain).

But, also like most people teetering on the edge of senility, my great-grandma wasn't trying to run the country. Joe Biden is. And his speech at a Democratic National Committee event Tuesday showed yet again why that's a problem.

Here are the top most bizarre, convoluted, and nearly un-transcribable moments from the 79-year-old president's remarks.

When he bizarrely suggested that his family were the first to lose their right to abortion.

“Women all across the country, starting in my house, lost a fundamental right.”

When he invoked the...Ninth Amendment? defend Roe.

"There's a thing called the 9th Amendment that says there's a right to privacy..." the president declared.

In this fun little place called "Reality," however, Ninth Amendment actually states that "The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people." So...there's that.

When he mixed up gay rights with abortion rights, and bungled both.

At one point, Biden claimed he was the one to grant people the right to "marry in the privacy of their own bedroom" before remembering he was supposed to be talking about abortion rights, not gay marriage...which he also didn't have anything to do with.

"The right that I pushed hard and I finally got changed to marry couples in the privacy of their bedroom." 


When he claimed that abortion affects "grandmoms and grandpops."

"This is affecting children, moms, grandmoms, grandpops, and all the entire generations."

"Oberfree"? "Oberfray?" Uh..."Ovaltine"?

It's "Obergefell," Joe, but OK.

When he ended his speech with "Thank you, I'm sorry."

Well, at least he apologized for this atrocity.

And, as a bonus, here's Biden grabbing on to this little girl like she's a heaping scoop of Baskin Robbin's chocolate chip.