The Washington Post recently moved into a new building. Unfortunately, a potentially embarrassing rumor persisted. The rumor was so bad that HR VP Wayne Connell was forced to reassure staffers with a memo.
Apparently staffers were worried that a design flaw would allow people to see up the skirts of women passing by in a certain area.
Here is a copy of the entire memo, sent with the subject line “Relocation Update 38: The Empire Strikes Back.”:
To All Post Employees,
Following persistent rumors that the transparent glass railing surrounding the 8th floor view down to the Hub allows people a direct line of sight from the 7th floor up the skirts of hapless passersby on the 8th floor, HR immediately dispatched investigators to the site, in an effort to recreate the offending scene. After multiple attempts, we were unable to create the precise conditions where such a view would be possible. It is important to note that we experimented with a variety of hemlines and styles, including some that Robin Givhan has openly criticized.
To prevent you or someone you know from attempting to create this line of sight, HR has developed a Behavioral Job Aid to maintain the decorum and demeanor appropriate to a professional operation such as ours. When standing in the 7th floor Hub, instead of staring upward, please adhere to the following protocol:
1. Continue moving forward, maintaining a neutral, almost vacant expression on your face.
2. Proceed to your work station.
3. Work.
4. Proceed home, maintaining the neutral, almost vacant expression until you have left the premises.
I need not tell you that this kind of behavior threatens the very fabric of The Washington Post. Skirt-gazing cads and Peeping Toms will face immediate deportation. To prevent a recurrence, we will build a wall around One Franklin Square. A beautiful wall, funded by foreign governments. Thank you for bringing this matter to our attention. We appreciate your cooperation.
Best,
Wayne
Side note: Did you notice the nuanced attack at Donald Trump near the end of the memo?