Eileen: It occurs to me that with all the hubbub and excitement about St. Patrick's Day we've gotten distracted from what's really important about this time of year -- lent
Kenny: She finally did it. She managed to bring Jesus into St. Patrick's Day.
Jesus: Seriously, I have to work on St. Patrick's Day, too? I was supposed to go to Sandals with Buddha and Vishnu.
Kenny: Sorry.
Eileen: Lent is the time of year when we are supposed to atone for our sins. This family's got plenty to atone for.
Jimmy: We all gave up stuff already.
Kenny: Yeah, I gave up girls.
Jimmy: I gave up novel-reading.
Shannon: I gave up crossfit.
Pat: I gave up a Zac Efron movie in which he plays a deejay.
Eileen: None of these things are real.
Pat: Oh, I thought so, too, but I saw the trailer. It's real.
Eileen: We should be giving up things that are keeping us from being better people. So, Jimmy, you need to give up your long "Showers." Everyone knows what you're doing in there.
Jimmy: What? I'm not... I don't -- what -- I-I -- it takes a long time for me to shampoo my hair, mom.
Ah, those tender family moments. Surrounding yourself with kith and kin, sharing, caring, listening to your mother chastise you in front of the entire family for chronic masturbation. If that sounds familiar, you have my sympathies. And my recommendations for psychological help. Apparently this is what happens when we take Jesus out of the family holiday.