A lot happens in this scene. So, it’s a little long. But worth it:
Maxine: Jerrod and I had a sexual accident.
Joe: Did you pull something, son? 'Cause I told you, you got to practice like you play.
Jerrod: Look, look. There is a slight possibility that Maxine could be pregnant.
Bobby: I knew it! Jerrod, I hate when you make me fish for information. You know something, it makes me not trust you. It makes me think you don't want us to be as close as we should be, as brothers. And that's on you.
Cynthia: Maxine, you're telling me I might be a grandmother. Oh, wow! I got to sit down for this. Grandma Cynthia. Ooh, I know it's going to be hell getting suitable hair products for the little mixed kid. But I don't mind, because I'm going to be taking care of a precious baby.
Joe: "Might" be pregnant. Now, how far along are we talking?
Jerrod: I don't know. An hour?
Joe: An hour? What kind of scare is that? People scared too easy these days.
Maxine: Look, times have changed. There's nothing scary about this. We just have to act fast.
Cynthia: Oh, yes, if you're expecting, we have to act really fast. In fact, I got my old wedding gown down here-- you can use it, Maxine.
Bobby: Hey, Jerrod, I'm going to be your best man, right?
Jerrod: We're not getting married, Bobby.
Bobby: Look, that's fine if I'm not your best man, but don't lie to me. Don't lie. Okay. Go, Jerrod. Oh.
Cynthia: Now, this has been over by the water heater for what, 30 years. Which accounts for its off-white color. But I guess, uh, given the circumstances, it's appropriate.
Maxine: Look, the thought of having to get married because of a pregnancy, that's archaic. In fact, I kind of see the whole concept of marriage as archaic. It was created in a time when women were viewed as property. Now, I don't need to be given away by my father to the possession of another man just so I can take his last name.
Cynthia: You mean like me? Or my mother? Or her mother before her?
Joe: Yeah, Maxine. If marriage isn't so great, what have all these gay people been fighting for all these years? Are you saying that they just like to complain for the hell of it, Maxine? Are you saying, Maxine, that gay people just like to make a scene? Because if that's what you are saying, I find it incredibly insensitive.
Cynthia: Maxine, if you're pregnant you need to get married. Now, Jerrod is my son and I love him dearly, but once he hears that baby crying at 3:00am, he's a flight risk.
Jerrod: All right. Everybody calm down. Relax. None of what you're saying matters anyway, because Maxine and I are not having a kid.
Cynthia: They're having an abortion. Do something, Joe!
Joe: Jerrod, don't have an abortion, you're upsetting your momma.
Nekeisha: Hey!
Bobby: Nekeisha. Nekeisha, where did you come from?
Nekeisha: Maxine texted me. Here. I brought your Plan B.
Maxine: Well, thank you. I guess you missed the part where I said, "Let's keep this between us."
Nekeisha: Oh, I thought that meant, "Don't post it on Facebook."
Jerrod: Nekeisha, you, uh, you just keep Plan B pills laying around your house?
Nekeisha: Oh, yeah, I'm a modern woman. I'm like Mary Tyler Moore with braids.
Maxine: You see, Cynthia, nobody is having an abortion. I just take this pill and I will avoid pregnancy. It's just contraception, no different than using a condom.
Cynthia: Well, it sounds like you're pulling a condom over your baby's face.
Jerrod: Ma, Ma, stop acting like we are killing a baby. We're not. We're killing the idea of a baby.
Maxine: Man, this thing's childproof. Kind of ironic when you think about it.
Cynthia: They're having a Plan B. Joe, do something!
Joe: So, this B plan, it stops anything before it gets started? And you just buy it over the counter? Well, get out if here. How much does this scientific achievement cost?
Cynthia: Joe, who's side are you on here?
Nekeisha: It's like 40 bucks.
Joe: "40 bucks"?! Man, something that amazing should cost like $7,000.
Cynthia: I just don't understand how y'all can act so casual about a decision this big.
Maxine: Cynthia, we're not acting casual. We're actually doing the responsible thing.
Cynthia: I know you think this morning after pill is gonna solve all of your problems, but what about the morning after that when you start feeling regret? You got a pill for that, Jerrod?
Jerrod: Yeah, Xanax, Zoloft, Paxil, uh, uh, what is that...?
Nekeisha: Abilify. I got that on deck-- you want one?
Bobby: Hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up. Jerrod, before you do this, I got something I need to tell you, okay? The Carmichael men got a low sperm count. Matter of fact, we might not have a sperm count at all.
Jerrod: What are you talking about, Bobby?
Bobby: Me and Nekeisha tried to get pregnant for years, right? You know, I thought I could have a baby that would accomplish all the things I didn't. You know, I thought, like, if Big Bobby can't do it, then Little Bobby would. But we'll never know.
Maxine: Wow, I'm sorry, Bobby. We never even considered that.
Joe: Look, the Carmichael men can make babies. Now, I've been referred to by several doctors as being potent. Now, that's not a word they just throw around.
Bobby: But look, Dad. Maybe it skipped a generation, you know? I just don't want Jerrod to be as crushed as I was when I found out I couldn't have a baby.
Nekeisha: Oh, Bobby, no worries about that. I was on birth control the whole time.
Bobby: Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, what?! You was on birth control the whole time we was trying to get pregnant?
Nekeisha: Yeah, to protect you. I mean, when you look at the big picture, we were not in a situation to be having a baby. I mean, you didn't have a job, I didn't have a job. That's good enough reason right there.
Jerrod: Well, look, this is not a family vote. This is a two-person decision. Or in your case, one person. Now, Bobby, I appreciate you looking out for us.
Maxine: Can you open this thing?
Jerrod: Yeah.
Cynthia: Jerrod? How long am I gonna have to stand around and watch you two make bad decisions? I've watched you two move in together. Fine. She don't want to get married. Fine. But we are talking about a baby here. And I'm not fine.
Jerrod: Okay, uh, Mom? Mom, what are you doing? No! No, no—
Cynthia: I guess you're gonna have to come up with a plan C.
Okay, that riff about “gays just making a scene” was great. But the line about needing to come up with a Plan C was pretty awesome too. The lie, of course, is that Plan B is not killing a baby.
Despite what pro-Plan B/pro-abortion activists will claim, Plan B alters the endometrium, preventing the fertilized egg from attaching to the woman’s womb. Thus, basically starving the egg from getting the vital nutrients it needs to survive.
So, the show wants us to believe that if a pro-abort activist was being actively starved and deprived of air, they would not call it murder?
But its totes okay to do it to a kid, apparently. Unfortunately, the flushing of the Plan B and the long overstay at Jerrod’s parents’ house didn’t result in Maxine reconsidering her decision to abort. In fact, Jerrod’s mom even apologized and Jerrod eventually ended up making Maxine a beautiful breakfast complete with mimosas as she took the pill.
Really a romantic scene. You know…if it hadn’t been for the killing of a defenseless life and all.